Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Smart Car


This makes no sense. Buy a minivan.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Toy Store



I was walking through a large chain toy store looking for presents for my niece and nephew. They already have the toy kitchen, the toy cup cake maker, the toy store...Then I saw this the toy cleaning station. I was actually a little surprised. Its the only toy in the the whole aisle with a Latino child is on it.

Really? Where Do You Work? A Restaurant? Really?

These MAY have been comments made by a current, past or future employee at one of the restaurants I may or may not work at...

Pointing at a green circle thing...
"Is this a lime or a lemon?"

"I remember the difference between lemon and lime because yellow and lemon are long words and lime and green are the shorter words."

"They want guacamole"
"We don't have guacamole - but you can take them avocado....."
"Ok - well it's the same thing, just not mushed."

"Sometimes you get good tips and sometimes you get bad tips"..."It doesn't matter if the food is wrong."

"Can you please go tel *** that the keg blew for table **"...
walks over to server....
"The beer, its only half full...so they said you need another one or something for that order you sent for those people over there."

"Everyone needs to work in a restaurant, so they know what it's really like."

Green?


Is your car still a "green car" if it has a chopped down Christmas tree hanging out the back?

So Serious



On Thanksgiving my dad pulled out his official landscaping binder! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Who has one of those? My dad does!

Gracie Must Be Bored


My mom had a fake plant with moss in it and this is what Gracie did...obviously she would like to go on more walks.

What's the Difference?


What's the difference with divorce for men and women? Or is this place for men divorcing men?....Inquiring minds want to know!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Scene And Heard Around Danville...


HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Here is a round up of the funniest things I have scene and heard around Danville lately. Some people are just plain ridiculous.


1. Paying a $14.45 lunch bill with $14.50, "You can keep the nickel for yourself!"
2. At a funeral reception, "It was really nice too meet you - I'm glad we got the chance to connect!"
3. A mid 20's guy when his food was delivered, "I eat salad - you gotta keep everything high and tight - salad will do that!"
....and DRUMROLL PLEASE....
4. A man a woman holding hands and drinking beer...his wife walks up and punches his mistress in the head.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

All I Need Now


All I need now is a nacho cheese sauce warmer!

Get The Stink Out




My apartment STINKS!!! I have tried odor fresheners, febreeze type sprays and candles...nothing works! I guess it's time to buy a nose plug. Where are all y syncro friends when I need them?

DVR - What?!?!?!


A few days ago I had no idea what a DVR was...night I recorded my first show. Now I just need to figure out how to watch it!

It May Be A Dump...



Duane's new house may be a dump BUT, it has an amazing view and a wood burning fireplace!

Just Gut It






Duane bought a house that he is going to turn into a rental. A hoarder lived in it before he got it! Good luck!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Sneaky, Sneaky


The cops in Clayton park empty police cars all over town...in the same spots everyday, they're not fooling anyone.

Best Lamp Ever





I got this lamp as a present! It is the most amazing lamp ever - so amazing I included 4 pictures of it. It has jewels hanging from it and a crazy floral lamp shade...in the words of Bentley, "I just love it!"

I have no idea why these photos are sideways, in almost 3 years of writing this blog I have never been unable to fix this...I'm posting them anyway, just turn your head...that's how much I like this lamp.

Happy Halloween













I had to work on Halloween, so I threw together a costumish look complete with makeup and wig. I went over to my parents house to see Bentley and Hudson before they went out trick or treating...Love the little cupcake and shark! While in costume I had a great conversation with the little sparkle lover Bentley.
"Auntie...I just love your shoes."
"Thank you."
"I just love you pants!"
"Thank you."
"I just love your jewels."
"Thank you."
"I just don't like your face."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Monday, October 31, 2011

Special Sleep Over





My 3 year old niece, Bentley is in town visiting for a few days and decided to have a special sleep over with me and Gracie last night. We had so much fun...until she decided she wanted to leave at 10pm. We painted nails, played stickers, played crafts, had 2 snacks, talked A LOT, put Gracie to bed, covered Gracie with toys and watched a movie. WOW!!! What a night!

Girls....Play Nice

Dear Unnamed Girls in Danville,

There is no reason to be mean. You have a lot going for you...I'm sure. There is no reason to walk into a place of business (while totally wasted - in an outfit you have absolutely NO business wearing) and tell someone why you don't like them. If you don't know someone don't cuss at them and talk bad about, them TO them, especially while they're working. It makes you look stupid and immature. Being jealous and crazy is not attractive or flattering - just a pointer.

Have a great night - hope your dress doesn't split,
Victoria

How Original


Look at this Jellyfish costume!!! AMAZING! Even more amazing is she was walking into the Clayton Club wearing it.

Just Pushing


I never saw these two get on this bicycle built for two. All they did was push it Someone obviously had a stupid idea to buy this and both parties did not agree on how to ride. At least they kept their helmets on!

No Truck?


Need to buy tires? Don't own a truck? Don't own a car with a trunk? No problem! Take down your convertible's top and strap the tires down...nothing is impossible.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Dear Bartender


Dear Bartender,

Please don't questions how much money I made. Don't accuse me of taking a club membership and not turning it in.

Please don't ask me more if I made cash on top of my credit card tips - it's none of your business.

Please do your job and just look at the c.c. tips I received and do simple math. It is a lot easier and nicer than accusing me of something or just seeming like a total inconsiderate, rude, dumb ass.

Please realize I know what I'm doing, and I like what I'm doing. Guests actually like to have more than 1 interaction with their server during their meal. I delivered my own drinks (alcohol included) most of my own food and checked up on my guests. I believe in customer service.

Please remember if you treat me like crap - you will receive the minimum tip I'm allowed to give.

Warmest Regards,
Victoria

P.S. The "rules" in this photo are a joke.

Funny Pick Up Lines

I heard 2 really funny pickup lines the other day...they were serious.

1 - "I would like to take you and your puppy on a hike"
This is funny because my "puppy" would bite this person for being such a tool!! She would grab him by his gold chain, wrap him in his fire house (fireman) and then pee on him and not return as he screamed at her to stop and sit! My "puppy" is a 7 year old Rhodesian that doesn't like tools!

2 - "You wanna take a ride on the back of my Harley"
I don't think I need to explain why this is funny! I just laughed and walked away.

Gracie and The Frog

This is an older video that I found. One night at Prosossor Gracie found a frog. She was going crazy, liking it and playing with it. When she came back to the motor home she had soooooo much foam on her mouth from the frog's slime it looked like she had rabies. video

Closet Space















I have 2 HUGE closets all to myself - very happy! I don't have to double hang clothes anymore. (For a photo of this happening before scroll through last summers blogs to see my closet in the motor home)

Maters Swimming


I'm going to start swimming masters again...I think I'll start in my pool, I mean bathtub! BEST TUB EVER!!!!!

Pete's


I am very lucky to be back at Pete's Brass Rail and Car Wash working. There is no brass rail, there is not car wash and who the hell is Pete? This is the restaurant that I worked at before I moved to Vegas. I worked here for almost five years and loved it. There are a lot of the same employees and TONS of the same customers. I am lucky to be back and working and making money!!

Coffee Table Shopping



I didn't have a coffee table so I went down to the local thrift store thinking I might be able to find a little something there and paint it...instead I saw this. WOW, you saw a really cool wheel chair. MY first and only thought was - someone needed this, if you donated it to the store did someone die?

Poor Gracie













Look closely...between the concrete stairs and the house there is about a 3 inch gap. After our first night here, at about 7am and half asleep, Gracie "needed" to go potty. I put on my shoes, grabbed a plastic bag and out we went. I grew more and more irritated with her as she just stood in the dirt and smelled the air. Eventually she grew tired with that and headed back to the house (WITHOUT PEEING!!!). On her way up the stairs she slipped off and got her legs stuck in the crack - front and back! HAHAHAHA!! She doesn't get up until 8am anymore.

New Place


I moved. The one place I never thought I would be. CLAYTON!! I'm back... and loving it! I am living in a HUGE in-law type apartment, it's ~1,000 sq ft. Gracie loves it.

Crossing into California



"Border Patrol" were on a mission on this day. The blond soccer mom looking lady in front of me was stopped, her soccer mom filled mini SUV was searched and guess what they found...AN APPLE!!!! She was instructed to pull over immediately to the second inspection area. Does California really have that much money laying around?

Thursday, September 29, 2011